I’m an avid fan
of TED, the self described “global community, welcoming people from every
discipline and culture who seek a deeper understanding of the world.” If you haven’t checked it, I strongly
encourage you to do so. You’ll find it
to be a source of learning that is beyond comparison.
When last I logged in, a trending talk was titled “The Price
of Shame”. The speaker is Monica
Lewinsky. I admit that some sense of
morbid curiosity compelled me to click through.
I am not alone. When last I
checked, more than 1.7 Million people had viewed her talk.
Her presentation was intelligent, dispassionate and
courageous. Describing herself as
“patient zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously”,
she asks her audience if any among them never made a serious mistake when they
were 22 years old. Of course, no one
raised his or her hand.
Public shaming as a “blood sport” (her description) must
stop, she avers.
Of course, we know what she’s talking about. We are all astounded by news reports of young
adults and teenagers committing suicide after being verbally assaulted
online. A study by Walter Torres, PhDand Raymond Bergner, PhD in the American Journal of Psychiatry reports “Individuals who have been subjected to the most
severe and public of humiliations frequently experience feelings of
hopelessness and helplessness. Lacking the ability to make effective appeals on
their own behalf, they have no discernible way back, no avenue to recover and
have a better future. Furthermore, their status as a nobody in their former
community can be excruciatingly painful and may sometimes become intolerable.” The result can be extreme violence and/or
suicide.
As I listened to her, I found myself thinking of Curt
Schilling. The World Series winning
pitcher with the Diamondbacks and Red Sox made news earlier this month when
he outed the online attackers of his daughter, Gabby. He had tweeted his congratulations to his
daughter who will pitch softball at a college in Rhode Island next year: Congrats to Gabby Schilling who will pitch for
the Salve Regina Seahawks next year!!
The responses as described by Mr. Schilling were infused "with
the word[s] rape, bloody underwear and pretty much every other vulgar and
defiling word you could likely fathom began to follow."
Schilling’s response reflected anything but “helplessness and
hopelessness”. He turned the tables on
the attackers by publicly identifying them.
The Huffington Post reports that some were fired or suspended once their
employers learned of their antics.
Ms. Lewinsky’s father also came to her defense in the wake of
the Clinton scandal. He defended her
truthfulness in a televised interview with Barbara Walters and later threatened
to sue NBC when a character in the popular TV show Law & Order: SVU used
her surname as a verb to describe a sexual act.
Fathers play an
important role in the lives of their daughters.
Aside from their traditional role as provider and protector of the
household, the relationship has impact on daughters’ self-esteem. "How
Dad approaches life will serve as an example for his daughter to build off of
in her own life, even if she chooses a different view of the world," says
Michael Austin, associate professor of philosophy at Eastern Kentucky
University and editor of Fatherhood - Philosophy
for Everyone: The Dao of Daddy.
I have seen this
dynamic at work. My brother-in-law has
played an important and sustained role as father, surrogate father or adjunct
father to my wife, our niece, his daughter and now plays an important role in
his 6 year-old granddaughter’s life. Clearly, there were many other influences
on their lives. However, what they have
in common is that each of them are engaging women who exude confidence who approach
life with a sense of humor and passion.
What is required
of us is to make sure our children know that we love them, that we care enough
to come to their defense and that we will.
It’s time for fathers everywhere to stand up and take action. It’s time to follow the example of courage and
LEADERSHIP exhibited by Ms. Lewinsky and the Schillings, Curt and Gabby.
WHO WILL LEAD?
One word: outstanding. Parents, especially those with daughters, should read John's excellent piece on protecting our young women and standing by them even in the most difficult of times. Raul Mas
ReplyDeleteJohn, I had to write you to say how much I enjoyed reading this- as a father of a little girl it makes me think even more about the impact that my actions/behaviors have on her. I hope that you are well. Take care.
ReplyDeleteDouglas E. Roberts